This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
