In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
