The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
