some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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