just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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