So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
