Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
