Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
