I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm jealous of your bromance
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
