i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
