Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
