During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Banned from zoo.
Again?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
