paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is it penis luge time yet?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Vodka?
Forever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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