I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
