it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
