I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
