Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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