I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
