Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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