Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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