i barfeds in our rink
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"