I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
