I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located