did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.