I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
