how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
