Already got asked if we're dating
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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