I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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