I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
