So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
