Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's blow job season.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
