On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
