shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
no, he came in my armpit
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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