hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
