The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We are all done wearing pants today
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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