Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
A+ Viking dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
