Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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