yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
