I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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