Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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