I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
