I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
