I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
