Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
