I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
