maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found your dick twin last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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