bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
