Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
