turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
