Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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