I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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