R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
