So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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