well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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