I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
