Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
