two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
