How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had sex on a roof
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
