I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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