She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
