Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In other news, I just burned my penis
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
