He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
