Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
