Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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