You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
