So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
