i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
