Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
