So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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