I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
