wake up i wanna do it froggy style
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
