K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
