i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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