He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
