I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
