I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
