sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
