Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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