i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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