speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
