I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
