hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
