I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
