Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
