No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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