You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i think i just lost a toe
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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