sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
